


Goodbye my lover

by Dark_shadow_follows_me



Category: The 100
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Dark, Depression, F/F, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, depressed Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 02:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19898194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_shadow_follows_me/pseuds/Dark_shadow_follows_me
Summary: Clarke and Lexa were together for almost 3 years. Lexa suffers from depression and that leads them to give up on their relationship. They need some time away from each other. Clarke is at a hotel and no one knows where Lexa is. One night Lexa calls Clarke and they talk.





	Goodbye my lover

**Author's Note:**

> This is a dark work and I might’ve shed a tear or two while writing it. I want to thank you in advance if you choose to read this work because some parts are from my own experience and this piece is dear to me. Hope you enjoy the angst as much as I did.;)  
> *Rated mature for dark concept

Clarke and Lexa were together for almost three years but finally they gave up on their relationship. Something like “we’re better off without the other one”. Lexa was suffering from deep depression and Clarke couldn’t help her fight that depression and that lead to their relationship falling apart. Clarke needed some time away from Lexa and all things that happened between them so she took a vacation and was currently at a hotel. Lexa vanished completely after their break up and no one, not even Anya, knew where she was but that was not unexpected from Lexa. She would vanish for some time when she got overwhelmed, another thing that screwed up their relationship. No matter how many times Clarke begged her to warn her before disappearing Lexa wouldn’t listen. She would leave and then come back begging for forgiveness and Clarke was not strong enough to reject Lexa when Lexa came back to her like a lost puppy. They loved each other. They really did. And they both knew they would love each other until the day they die but that just wouldn’t work for them.

Clarke was in her hotel room staring at the wall and taking a sip from her beer from time to time mindlessly when her phone rang. She picked it up and answered. 

“Hello”

There was silence. She pressed her phone to her ear to hear better. 

”hello?”

Still no answer but she could here some shuffling from the other side of the phone. 

“Who is this?” 

She tried one last time. She lost the hope for the other person to answer her. Just before she hang up the person on the phone talked finally. 

“Hey Clarke.” 

Clarke’s heart stopped beating for a second there. Her heart would start beating furiously even after all these years together and after their break up. Specially after their break up. She couldn’t answer. It was like she got paralyzed as soon as she heard Lexa’s voice. She could hear Lexa’s irregular breath on the phone. Now it was Lexa’s turn to ask if she Clarke was there,

”are you there?” 

Clarke tried to come up with words,

”yeah I’m here.” 

She then sat more straight. 

“Where are you Lexa? Anya called me yesterday she was really worried about you.” 

Clarke didn’t tell Lexa that she herself was the one dying to know where Lexa was. Actually she was the one who was really worried about Lexa. It was 4 weeks that she hadn’t heard from Lexa. 

“I needed some time to myself. I had to make a decision.” 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. She consult herself to not surrender to Lexa’s beg for coming back together. She had made up her mind. She couldn’t let this toxic relationship screw both of them. 

“Lexa we won’t get back together if that’s what you were trying to make a decision about.” 

Clarke tried to say that without her voice breaking but she couldn’t help the tears that prickled behind her eyelids. Lexa huffed heavily like she was tired. Clarke could imagine her putting her hand on her face and massaging her temple like she would do whenever she got frustrated about herself. Clarke couldn’t care less about the decision she had made now. She just wanted to run to Lexa and hold her close tell her everything’s gona be ok although she knows nothing would get better. Finally the first tear escaped her eye. 

“No Clarke. I don’t want another chance for us. I just...”

She paused and took a breath 

“could you just...maybe... can you stay with me for a few minutes.” 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows deeply. There was a heavy sadness in Lexa’s voice. Deeper than she heard and felt these past few years. 

“You ok Lex?” 

“When was I?” 

Lexa let out a humorless laugh. 

“That’s what teared us apart. Me not being ok.” 

Now tears were streaming down Clarke’s face. She heard sniffing from the other end of the phone and she knew Lexa was crying as well. None of them spoke for minutes. Clarke could hear Lexa sobbing and she was crying freely now. Suddenly Lexa started talking 

“Clarke?” 

“I’m here” 

“What is your favorite memory of us?” 

“There are a lot of them Lex. I know things got hard but we had a lot of good times together” 

there was a little smile on Clarke’s face now thinking about all of their beautiful memories. 

“Tell me about your most favorite one” 

Clarke started thinking for some minutes 

“hmm... let me see.” 

She grabbed her chin while she was thinking deeply. 

“Our first kiss” 

That made Lexa chuckle. It sounded like music to Clarke’s ear. She remembered the day she heard Lexa chuckle for the first time and she thought that is what she want to hear for the rest of the life. Thise memories seemed so old like they happened centuries ago. Clarke continued 

“we were coming back from the part at O’s home and you insisted you take me home but when we were walking home the rain started pouring. We went into a shop not to get wet and when we got in you slipped and you fell down straight on your face.” 

They were both laughing at the fine memory now. Suddenly Clarke heard a distressed sound from Lexa’s side. 

“What was that Lex? Are you ok?” 

Silence 

“Lex what happened?” 

The silence was getting uncomfortable now. Finally Lexa answered 

“Clarke I... I...” 

“take your time Lex. I’m here.” 

Clarke could here how nervous Lexa was. Lexa gulped down 

“Clarke I took pills.” 

Clarke felt her stomach dropped. She was absolutely losing it. Clarke had hope of having Lexa in her life at least as a friend if not a lover. Now Lexa was leaving her. She was leaving all of them. 

“When did you take them?” 

“I’m not sure. Around noon maybe.” 

It was getting dark and it meant Lexa didn’t have much time. The pills where shutting down her organs one by one. Clarke swallowed hardly. Her mouth has gotten dry. 

“How many did you take?” 

“Enough” 

“Don’t answer me vaguely Lex. How many pills did you take? What kind of pills were they?” 

Clarke was shouting while standing in the middle of her room panicking. 

“Shh Clarke. It’s ok. Everything’s gona be ok” 

Clarke lost it started crying hardly while Lexa was trying to sooth her. Clarke could feel how her heart was squeezing and she could feel the pain of losing Lexa in every bone of her being already. Lexa’s voice was getting weaker and weaker. 

“Please Lexa. Don’t do this. Please I beg you. We would find a way. We would find a way together ok? Tell me where you are.” 

Clarke was crying and her head was pulsing painfully. Lexa was crying as well now. 

“Clarke listen to me. I made up my mind. I just wanted to hear your voice these last few minutes. No one can save me now. It’s too late. I just couldn’t leave wothout saying goodbye. I left a note for others saying goodbye but I couldn’t say goodbye to you on s piece of paper. I needed to hear your voice.” 

Clarke tried again to make Lexa change her mind started shouting at her angrily,

“Your such a selfish son of a bitch Lexa. Have you thought what damage you would cause to Anya? She doesn’t have any family left but you. What about us? What...” 

“I had to think about myself Clarke. I’m really tired. I can’t take this anymore. Everything was so dark for so long. No matter how hard I try I can’t beat this fucking depression. I’m so so tired Clarke. Please you need to understand. I’d be happier believe me. I don’t have to suffer anymore. I had to be selfish Clarke. I feel like dying every day. I can’t breath I can’t eat I can’t feel. Me staying in this world is like a torture to me.” 

After a minute or so Clarke said

“I loved you Lexa. I still do you know” 

Clarke couldn’t think about anything else to tell Lexa. If this was the last time she had a chance to talk to Lexa she wanted her to know how much she cared about her and loved her. Every memory of them was flashing in fromt of her eyes. She closed her eyes and reviewed all those memories in her mind. She couldn’t believe this was the end to their story forever. She could hear Lexa’s distressed voice as she was getting cramps as her liver was failing her. Lexa’s breath was getting irregular and they were running out of time, if there was any time left. Clarke heard a thump sound like Lexa fell down from the couch. She could imagine Lexa surling up due to massive pain and a sob escaped her mouth again. 

“I love you too.”

She heard Lexa’s weak and soft voice. Clarke tried one last time 

“Lexa hang up and call an ambulance. Please.” 

Silence 

“Lexa?” 

Nothing 

“Lex?” 

She was shouting now. 

“Lexa please answer me” 

the dead silence was deafening to her ear. 

“No no no no no no...” 

The most violent sob escaped Clarke’s mouth as her knees hit the ground.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t end the story. I like to think that was the end for Lexa. But you are free to think that finally Lexa calls an ambulance or Anya finds her just in time to rescue her if you’re not ok with her dying. Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
